我今天收到了一封超牛叉的邮件 So, I got the craziest e-mail this morning.
哥们儿 不是我要泼你冷水 I don't mean to burst your bubble, dude,
但那些阴茎增大丸真心不管用啊 but those penile enlargement pills do not work.
相信我 我懂的 Believe me, I know.
那封邮件是来自史蒂芬·霍金的办公室 The e-mail I got was from the office of Stephen Hawking.
-不可能吧 -为啥 - You're kidding. - Why?
他要来我们学校讲几周的课 He's coming to the university for a couple weeks to lecture,
所以想找个工程师来帮他 and he's looking for an engineer to help maintain
维护轮椅上的设备 the equipment on his wheelchair.
太赞了 That's amazing.
你就是他的赛车维修员啊 You'll be like his pit crew.
提醒你一下 我可不会 A word of caution: I would not do
在他面前模仿他说话 your Stephen Hawking impression in front of him.
你说得对 You're right.
我觉得这么做是挺没礼貌的 I suppose that could be considered offensive.
伙计 谢尔顿会疯掉的 Boy, Sheldon's going to freak out.
是啊 他特别崇拜霍金 Yeah, he worships Hawking.
我其实有考虑带他过去 I was actually thinking about bringing him along
好让他见见自己的偶像 when I go over there so he can meet the great man.
你真是个大善人啊 霍华德 That's really nice of you, Howard.
举手之劳啦 It's no big deal.
天啊 霍金也会去申请一张限制令的吧 Boy, a restraining order from Stephen Hawking.
三人依次为《星际迷航》史波克扮演者、著名天文学家 美国漫画大师 作品包括《蜘蛛侠》《神奇四侠》等
加上莱纳德·尼莫伊 卡尔·萨根 It'll look so nice next to the ones he's already got
和斯坦·李对他的限制令 硕果累累呀 from Leonard Nimoy, Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
莱纳德 你还记得有一次我说 Leonard, do you recall when I said
我将彻底改变人们对希格斯玻色子的理解 that I was going to revolutionize humanity's understanding
然后你说 of the Higgs boson particle, and you said,
"谢尔顿 现在是凌晨两点 滚出我的卧室"吗 "Sheldon, it's 2:00 a.m., get out of my bedroom"?
不就是今天凌晨吗 Like it was ten hours ago.
怎么了 What about it?
我觉得我成功了 Well, I believe I've done it.
我说"我觉得"只是为表谦虚 And I'm only saying "believe" to sound modest,
因为 感谢上帝 我成功了 because, sweet Sam Houston, I did it.
-真的假的 -太牛了 给 - Really? - That's incredible. Oh, here.
式子列给我们看看 Break out the math.
行 我看看 Oh, okay, let me see this.
看 这个粒子 All right, so this particle here
是随时间演化的玻色子 is the boson moving forward in time.
我之前考虑的是... Now, I was thinking...
霍华德 你就先吃吧 Howard, you go ahead and eat.
你肯定一点儿都听不懂 This isn't going to make any sense to you.
谢尔顿 我对物理还是懂不少的 Sheldon, I have a working understanding of physics.
是吗 很好 继续努力 Yeah, good for you, and don't stop working on it.
你还打算跟他说 Are you still going to tell him
-那个人的事吗 -说啊 - about you-know-who? - Yep.
那你还打算引见他吗 Are you still going to introduce him?
这辈子都别想了 Not on your life.
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生活大爆炸 第五季第二十一集
求你了 求你了 求你了嘛 Please, please, please,
让我见见霍金吧 let me meet Hawking.
我都说了不行了 I told you, no.
可我都道歉了 But I said I'm sorry.
不对 你说的是"要是我道歉 管用吗" No, you said, "Would it help if I said I'm sorry?"
然后你都没回应我 And you never answered me.
瞧 现在该道歉的是谁 So who owes whom an apology now?
谢尔顿 你是个傲慢的混蛋 Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk.
我干嘛要帮你这种人的忙呀 Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
犹太教圣经不包含基督教新约所展现的天堂地狱观
死后好上犹太天堂吗 To go to Jewish heaven?
犹太人没有天堂 Jews don't have heaven.
那是为了避免下犹太地狱吗 Then to avoid Jewish hell?
你见过我妈吗吧 Have you met my mother?
我不住地狱 谁算住地狱 I live in Jewish hell.
霍华德 求求你了 Howard, please.
这可是史蒂芬·霍金啊 This is Stephen Hawking.
也许是唯一一个智商和我相当的人 Perhaps my only intellectual equal.
你别搞笑了 Oh, you can't be serious.
你设身处地地替我想想 Try to put yourself in my place.
假设你的星球都是狗狗 Imagine you're the sole human being
而你是唯一一个人类 living on a planet populated with nothing but dogs.
然后突然发现 And then it turns out
这星球上还有一个人类 there's another human being.
打住 Hang on.
你是说除了你俩 其他人都是狗狗吗 Are you saying the rest of us are dogs?
好吧 我就知道你会误解我的意思 Okay, I can see you're going to take this the wrong way.
我换个说法吧 Let me try again.
假设你的星球都是大猩猩 Imagine you're the sole human being
而你是唯一一个人类 living on a planet populated with nothing but chimps.
滚出去 Get out of my lab.
大猩猩比狗狗聪明多了 Oh, now they're so much smarter than dogs.
你见过它们骑小自行车吗 Have you seen them on those little bicycles?
出去 Get out.
那换成海豚 好不 How about dolphins?
滚 Out!
说吧 跟霍金度过的第一天感觉如何 So, come on, how was the first day with Hawking?
超赞的 It was great.
我们聊了电影 We talked about movies...
神啊 Oh...
我给他变了几个扑克牌魔术 I showed him some card tricks...
神啊 Oh!
他还让我给他念了几页他的新书 He even let me read a couple pages from his new book.
神啊 Oh!
什么事让你这么失望呀 亲爱的 Something got you down there, bunky?
霍华德 求求你了 Howard, please, I'm begging you.
拉杰 你是咱们这帮人里记性最好的 Raj, you're our group historian.
谢尔顿以前求过人吗 Has Sheldon ever begged before?
求过三次 Three times.
他求过福克斯电视网不要砍掉《萤火虫》 He begged the Fox network not to cancel Firefly.
他求过TNT电视网砍掉《巴比伦五号》 He begged the TNT network to cancel Babylon 5.
他在玫瑰碗橄榄球赛游行时食物中毒 And when he got food poisoning at the Rose Bowl Parade,
还求过一个他不信奉的神 he begged a deity he doesn't believe in
让他死得痛快 to end his life quickly.
你知道霍金对我来说有多重要吗 Do you understand how important Hawking is to me?
我六岁的时候 When I was six years old,
万圣节扮的就是他 I dressed up as him for Halloween.
开玩笑的吧 You're kidding.
绝对没有 我拿了我爸的写字椅 No, sir, no, I took my dad's desk chair,
装上一个拼说语音学习机 attached a Speak & Spell to it
然后让我妹妹推我去街上 and made my sister push me up and down the block
讨糖吃 to trick or treat.
星球大战里的机器人
大部分人都以为我在扮R2-D2 Granted most people thought I was R2-D2,
但我还是讨到很多糖 but still, I got a lot of candy.
你好像不太懂 You don't seem to be understanding
英语的"NO" the English word "no."
或者换其他语言比较好 Maybe a different language will help.
俄语 Nyet Russian: nyet.
中文 不 Chinese: bu.
日语 いいえ Japanese: iie.
克林贡语 qo' Klingon: qo'.
二进制ASCII码 0110111001101111 Binary coded Ascii:0110111001101111.
-应该是01100111 -不行 - It's actually 01100111. - No!
我不是为自己求你 I'm not asking for me,
我是为了霍金求你 I'm asking for Hawking.
试试黑帮用语 去你丫的 Let me try gangsta: Hells naw.
好吧 要不这样 Okay, look, how about this?
把我的希格斯粒子论文给他 Just give him my paper on the Higgs boson.
如果他看出我所做的伟大突破 If he sees the incredible breakthrough I've made,
他会主动联系我 he'll reach out to me.
要是他不联系你呢 What if he doesn't?
他会的 他可聪明了 He will; he's really smart.
这个主意有意思 That's an interesting idea.
要不你给我几分钟 Why don't you give me a minute
让我跟我的朋友商量一下 to talk it over with my friends?
-我要怎么做 -赶紧消失 - How do I do that? - You walk away.
我这就闪 Walking away.
你要知道 你现在就是他的老大 You do realize you own his ass right now.
我知道 I do.
你可以把他当狗使唤 You can make him do anything you want.
我知道 我只是在想 Yeah, I know, I'm just trying to figure out
我要把他整得多惨 how much I want to punish him.
别太过分 意思一下 Well, don't be too mean.
伙计们 Hey, fellas,
我想泡点清新冰茶 I'm thinking about making some freshly brewed iced tea
有谁想喝呀 if anyone would like some.
我不介意来一杯 I wouldn't mind a glass.
我没跟你说话 I wasn't talking to you.
整到他求爷爷告奶奶 Bring him to his bony knees.
小谢子 回来吧 Sheldon, come on back.
来了 来了 Yes, yes.
您意下如何 What did you decide?
我可以把你的论文给霍金教授 I'll give your paper to Professor Hawking.
太好了 谢谢 Great, thank you!
真是太好了 Oh, that's terrific!
但是 你要为我做几件事作为交换 But in exchange, I'd like you to do a few things for me.
什么事 What kinds of things?
希腊神话中 赫拉因错杀自己孩子而受诅咒 为消除罪业 他要为敌人完成十二项任务
你听说过赫拉克勒斯的十二伟业吗 Are you familiar with the 12 labors of Hercules?
当然 Of course.
那你走运了 You should be so lucky.
好了 All right.
你要我先做什么 What would you like me to do first?
我觉得我就先让你 Well, I thought I'd start you off
给我擦皮带扣吧 by polishing my belt buckles.
没问题 By all means.
小时候 我会帮我奶奶擦银器 When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver.
她就会给我讲 And she would entertain me with stories
她在俄州长大的故事 about growing up in Oklahoma.
有趣的女人 Interesting woman.
有一次 她用肉汁盘子打死了一只土拨鼠 She once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
真厉害 That's nice.
好多皮带扣啊 That's a lot of belt buckles.
有趣的是 我只有一条皮带 Funny thing is,I only have one belt.
好了 我不妨碍你开工了 Anyway, I'll let you get started.
顺便说一下 Oh, by the way,
上面可能有些看似水渍的点 the little marks, uh,that look like water spots--
我小便时习惯靠便盆太近 所以 I tend to stand too close to the urinal, so...
你看到的那些是溅回来的 ...what you're seeing there is splash back.
你把尿尿在皮带扣上吗 You make sissy on your belt buckles?
奶奶的叉子上绝对没有 Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
给你个紫外光灯照尿渍吧 Here is a black light to check them.
再给你提个醒 And for your own peace of mind,
紫外光灯还可以识别能够发出自然荧光的精液和其他体液
最好不要用它来照我的房间哦 you might not want to shine that around the rest of the room.
谢尔顿 擦得好干净啊 Sheldon, these look great.
它们就像华丽的小皇冠 They're like magnificent little crowns
挂在我坚挺的小宝贝上 to hang over my magnificent little jewels.
你怎么擦得这么亮 How'd you get them so shiny?
我给它们上了一层防水蜡 Oh, I-I buffed them with Turtle Wax.
汽车用品店里的伙计说 The man down at Pep Boys says from now on,
以后溅上去的尿液会直接流下去 the urine should just bead up and roll right off.
干得漂亮 Way to go the extra mile.
你奶奶会骄傲的 Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
我奶奶绝对不可以知道这件事 My Mee-Maw must never know of this.
现在能把我的论文给霍金教授看了吧 Now will you give Professor Hawking my paper?
小乖乖 当然不可以 Oh, my dear boy, no.
好了 Okay.
接下来 Next,
这是我买给伯纳黛特的 this is a sexy French maid costume
性感法国女佣装 I bought for Bernadette.
我原以为这既能增加情趣 I thought it might spice things up
又能让她帮我打扫房间 and get her to dust my room at the same time,
可我错了 大错特错 but I was wrong and really wrong.
所以你想让我把它退回去吗 And you want me to return it for you?
不 不 不 我的小可爱[法语] No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
你们看什么看 What are you all staring at?
没见过为了见斯蒂芬·霍金 You ever seen a man try to get a meeting
牺牲色相的男人吗 with Stephen Hawking before?
今天不是周六呀 It's not Saturday night.
你怎么跑来洗衣服了 Why are you doing your laundry?
这不是我的衣服 This is not my laundry.
这是艾米的吗 Wow, are these Amy's?
挺狂野的 不错不错 Kind of trashy -- good for her.
那是霍华德的 Those are Howard's.
你为什么要替霍华德 Why are you washing
洗他的男士小内内呢 Howard's man panties?
因为要是我不洗的话 Because if I don't,
他就不把我的论文拿给斯蒂芬·霍金看 he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking.
斯蒂芬·霍金是个著名的物理学家 He's a famous physicist.
我知道 那个坐着轮椅发明了时间的家伙 I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
差不多吧 That's close enough.
我不懂 I don't understand,
为什么霍华德不直接把你介绍给那人呢 why doesn't Howard just introduce you to the guy?
他要惩罚我这个"傲慢的混蛋" Because he's punishing me for being a "condescending jerk".
你不会也觉得我傲慢吧 You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
有点吧 Well, kind of...
抱歉 "傲慢"的意思是... Oh, I'm sorry,condescending means...
我懂好不好 I know what it means.
没错 你超喜欢纠正别人 And yes, you love correcting people
让人自惭形秽 and putting them down.
正相反 Au contraire.
当我纠正别人时 我是让他们更进一步 When I correct people I am raising them up.
你应该最懂了 你可是深得我恩惠 You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.
拜托 你只是给自己带来优越感 Come on, you do it to feel superior.
每次有人犯语法错误 I see that twinkle in your eye
或是把月亮当作行星时 when someone says "who" instead of "whom"
我都能看到你两眼放光 or thinks the moon is a planet.
《堂·吉诃德》Don Quixote 音似驴子诃德Donkey Hotay
或是有人以为《堂·吉诃德》是在写驴子诃德 Or Don Quixote is a book about a donkey named Hotay.
看见没 See, there it is,
你两眼又放光了 there's that twinkle.
没办法 我完全是下意识两眼放光 Well, I can't help it. That's an involuntary twinkle.
那你想我怎么说 谢尔顿 What do you want me to tell you, Sheldon?
我想听你说 I want you to tell me
霍华德就是想无故欺负我 that Howard is being mean to me for no reason.
好吧 霍华德就是想无故欺负你 Fine, Howard is being mean to you for no reason.
我就知道 I knew it.
怎么了 What's the matter?
我每次在你家过夜 Every time I spend the night,
你妈都会拍我屁股 说"妹子 上吧" your mom slaps me on the behind says, "Go get 'em."
这不能怪她 It's not her fault.
她正在接受激素替代疗法 She's getting hormone replacement therapy.
导致她相当饥渴 Makes her crazy horny.
看 我让谢尔顿穿那套法国女佣装哦 Check this out, I got Sheldon to wear the Frenchmaid's costume.
天啊 这也太过分了吧 Oh, my God, that's terrible.
拜托 是你穿过一次说不要的 Hey, I gave you first crack at it.
你为什么要这么做 Why are you doing that?
你这是在欺负他 You're being mean to him.
是他整天欺负我 He's mean to me all the time.
你也见过他取笑我没有博士学位 You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
如果你不想没博士学位被人取笑 If you don't want to get teased about that,
那就去考一个呀 get a doctorate.
我有一个 感觉超棒呢 I have one; they're great.
拜托 这个家伙一直在折磨我 Oh, come on, the man torments me.
我只不过用其人之道还治其人之身而已 I'm just letting him have a little taste of his own medicine.
这不一样 It's not the same thing.
谢尔顿意识不到自己的刻薄 Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean
因为他控制这部分情感的大脑 because the part of his brain that should know
被大脑其它部分给挤扁了 is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain.
好吧 我让他再多干几件事 Fine, I'll just make him do a couple more things,
就收手 then I'll stop.
不 你现在就得收手 No, you have to stop now.
伯纳黛特 提醒你一下 Bernadette, I want to remind you,
你答应过明天陪我去买裙子的哦 you promised to take me dress shopping tomorrow!
该死 Oh, damn.
对不起 我明天有事去不了了 I'm sorry, I can't make it,
但是谢尔顿会陪你去的 but Sheldon's going to go with you!
这是你让他做的最后一件事了 And that's the last thing you do to him.
谢尔顿 Sheldon!
帮我一下 I need your help!
又怎么了 沃罗威茨太太 What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
这裙子有问题 It's this dress!
我把胸塞进去 屁股就露出来了 When I put my front in, my back pops out!
我把屁股塞进去 胸就又露出来了 When I put my back in,my front pops out!
简直是一山容不下二虎呀 It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub!
你想让我做什么 What do you want me to do?
我们应该携手合作 We're gonna have to work as a team!
进来 大把抓着 动手塞啊 Get in here, grab a handful,and start stuffing!
我不太确定该怎么做呢 I'm not sure how to do this.
很简单 就像把用完的睡袋给塞回去 It's easy, just pretend you're putting away a sleeping bag.
睡袋不会出这么多汗 不过好吧 Sleeping bags don't usually sweat this much, but okay.
帮我拉上拉链 Now zip me up.
再继续挤下去 Oh, if we squeeze you any tighter,
钻石的形成需要高压推挤
你就能变成钻石了 you may turn into a diamond.
你说得对 我骗谁呢 You're right, who am I kidding?
你真该见见我年轻的时候 谢尔顿 You should have seen me when I was young, Sheldon.
追我的小伙们 The fellas used to line up
排着队给我送糖 and bring me boxes of candy.
我干嘛嘴贱全吃光啊 Why did I eat it all?!
可以抱我一下吗 Would you hold me?
我 我不是那种会抱别人的... Oh... no, you know, I'm not really the holding kind of...
哦 差点忘了 Oh, guys, I just remembered.
我给你们带了几个霍金纪念品 I got your ome Hawking souvenirs.
是什么 What are these?
他轮椅上的齿轮和弹簧 Gears and springs from his wheelchair.
酷吧 Pretty cool, huh?
太棒了 Wow, that's amazing.
我给他的轮椅制动机做了调整 I made an adjustment on the motor drive
之后要装回去时 and when I was putting it back together
却想不起这几个零件是装哪的了 I could not for the life of me figure out where they went.
我做到了 I did it.
跑了整整三个服装店 Had to go to three clothing stores,
总算找到一件能"装"进你妈的衣服了 but we finally found a dress that could envelop your mother.
我应该提醒你 I should have sent you
去阿尔塔迪纳的特制车罩店去买的 to the custom car cover place in Altadena.
他们有我妈的资料 They have her pattern on file.
真幽默 Humorous.
现在能把我的论文给霍金教授看了吧 Now will you please present my paper to Professor Hawking?
我不知道 I don't know.
老天啊 Oh, for heaven's sake.
衣服帮你洗了 你的皮带扣还上了防尿层 I did your laundry, I pee-pee-proofed your belt buckles,
我为了帮你妈抬高胸部 I, I even sprained my wrist
我还把手腕扭伤了 helping your mother lift her bosom.
好了 谢尔顿 All right, Sheldon,
你再帮我做最后一个任务 there's only one thing left I want you to do.
别担心 这个超简单 Don't worry, it's an easy one.
好吧 Okay.
夸夸我 Give me a compliment.
好吧 Fine.
你的手超小 You have very tiny hands.
不 是夸我的工作 No... about my job.
夸我工作干得出色 I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
你明显干得很出色啊 You're obviously good at what you do.
那你为什么老是挖苦我 Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
我理解你的困惑 Oh, I understand the confusion.
我从未说过你工作不称职 I have never said that you are not good at what you do.
我是说你的工作没价值 It's just that what you do is not worth doing.
这话可比他对我说的好听多了 It's nicer than anything he's ever said to me.
要我一定会接受 I'd take it and run.
谢谢你 谢尔顿 Thank you, Sheldon.
现在能把我的论文给霍金看了吧 Now will you give my paper to Hawking?
抱歉 不能 Sorry, I can't.
什么 为什么 What, why not?
我三天前就给他了 I gave it to him three days ago.
他说了那论文很棒 He was really impressed.
他想见你 He wants to meet you.
那好吧 All right, then.
谢谢你 霍华德 Thank you, Howard.
请你转告霍金教授 Please let Professor Hawking know
他什么时间想见我 我都有空 that I'm available at his earliest convenience.
我还以为他会更兴奋呢 I thought he might be a little more excited.
稍安勿躁 Give it a second.
霍金教授 Professor Hawking,
能见到您真是太荣幸了 先生 it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
我知道 I know.
感谢您抽出时间见我 I want to thank you for taking time to see me.
我的荣幸 My pleasure.
我很喜欢你的论文 I enjoyed reading your paper very much.
你的确是聪明绝顶 You clearly have a brilliant mind.
我知道 I know.
你那关于希格斯玻色子是个黑洞 Your thesis that the Higgs boson is a black hole
且能加速时间反演的理论很厉害 accelerating backwards through time is fascinating.
谢谢 Thank you.
是我有天早上洗澡时突然想到的 It just-- it came to me one morning in the shower.
挺好啊 That's nice.
可惜是错误的 Too bad it's wrong.
你什么意思 What do you mean wrong?
第二页上有地方运算错误了 You made an arithmetic mistake on page two.
愚蠢的错误 It was quite the boner.
不 那不可能 No, no... that can't be right.
我不可能会运算错误啊 I-I don't make arithmetic mistakes.
那你是说我有吗 Are you saying I do?
不是 Oh, no,
当然不是 no, no, of course not.
我只是在想 It's just, I was thinking...
天哪 我真的错了 Oh, gosh, golly,I made a boo-boo,
我还把它呈给了史蒂芬·霍金 and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
老天 又一个晕倒粉 Great, another fainter.